Sorry for the delay - Kind of

So, I know it's been over a month since I have posted to this blog, and I sincerely apologize to my 4 fans. So, I suppose it's time to get caught up on the latest happenings. I will do some bullet points and then move on:

• I have bursitis in both of my hips adn I haven't been able to run in 8 weeks. Which sucks because I'm supposed to be doing the marathon in October.
• On a happy note, I have been cleared to start using the elliptical trainer, so I will gladly be indulging in that at lunch today. God help me.
• Work is improving on a daily basis. I'm starting to feel a bit more secure in my role here, so I do hope that it's not temporary.
• I won a trifecta at Arlingon Racetrack on June 14th only to turn around and lose it all. But, it was the best $57.40 I have ever spent.
• June went by so fast that I still feel like it's May.

On to the next. I had a very enlightening conversation with both my brother and one of my very closest friends. It felt like for the first time in a very long time, people were being very frank and very honest about the type of person I am and the way that I approach life. It hit me like a ton of bricks - even in a terrible state of mind - and I have spent the last 48+ hours contemplating every word that was spoken. I have come to some very big conclusions that most of you had come to a long time ago. Sorry for being so slow on the uptake everyone.

1. Life is not perfect. No person on this Earth is perfect. The media and magazines like to portray what a perfect family looks like, how to cook the perfect meal, how to be the perfect Mom, how to look your best, be the best wife/partner, how to be the perfect friend, etc. Essentially creating unattainable standards that nobody will ever be able to live up to, and therefore, nobody, including myself, should be held to that standard. Nobody should be judged for any reason -ever. I apologize to all of those I have judged, intentionally and unintentionally.
2. Spending the last 15 years worrying about what other people think of me has warped me into becoming a 'follower' and succombing to the whims of others. I am usually headstrong in my opinions and beliefs, but I am easily walked all over by people as to not upset them. True friends stick by your side through good and bad, so it's ok to have a voice.
3. I easily become jealous of those that have things that I don't. Why? I have no idea. Perhaps I am the one who feels that they are owed a break in life - leaving me to be nothing more than a hypocrite. Maybe I have felt like the better I was, or more perfect I was, the more I was owed something for good behavior. You would think that after 20 years I would realize that is not the case.
4. Most of things that have happened in my life have occured because I have created them. The ones that I am not responsible for, I need to acknowledge and move passed. I need to stop being resentful and start being more grateful for all of the great people and things I do have in my life.
5. I need to grow up and start acting like I am an adult. No late night partying, no complaining about other people's issues, no searching for approval I may or may not get. I need to stop worrying so much about what other people think, what my family thinks, what my friends think. It doesn't matter at all in the scheme of things. At all. I will respect opinions, but no more fear about making the right/wrong decision. I want to live a life without fear or regrets for the first time. I think this alone will change my life.

So, while this might be a slow going process, I am hoping that I am taking steps to become the person that I want to be and have the life I have always dreamed of having wiith all the inevitable missteps along the way. The destination is not worth the journey without some hard work. See you there.

Word :)

The best way you can help others is to first live your own life with integrity.